Thursday, October 25, 2012

Take a bite

Have you ever seen the The Five Year Engagement?  It's a comedy movie about exactly what the title says, a couple that is going through a five year engagement.  The movie has some funny points and, at other times, drags.  However, at one point in the movie, the main character Violet explains to her sister how she isn't sure her fian, Tom, is the one.  Tom has his flaws and everything in their life isn't quite perfect yet.  To which Violet's sister, who is imitating cookie monster to entertain her daughter, exclaims in a cookie monster voice

"There is no such thing as the perfect cookie, you've just got to pick one and take a bite!"

This quote was level-headed and amazingly romantic at the same time. Not to say that you should just marry anyone and and make it work.  But you do have to work.  Sometimes I think people-even myself, at times-expect relationships to be 50/50 all the time and that's not necessarily the case.  Lately Aaron has had to work more than normal and I have to accept that and support him-I have a 4 year residency in front of me and during that time I'll need him to support me.  The hours we work and the time we put into household duties may never be equal.  

Many couples are living together before marriage, which is something I don't believe in and wasn't going to agree to.  I think living together has advantages and disadvantages.  The obvious advantage is you know what you're getting into.  However, a major disadvantage is that it isn't permanent, you believe that you can leave at anytime and sometimes that leads couples to not trying as hard.  When it comes to living together after marriage, there's something special about a couples' first few years as newlyweds and cementing their relationship together.  A study posted on MSN years ago speculated that couples that live together prior to marriage may fail to see a difference after they get married and lose some of the uniqueness of that newlywed time.

Another disadvantage to living together is, even though you think you can move out at anytime, you really can't, because where will you live, how will you break-up, sometimes staying in the relationship is easier than leaving.  And that's how you spend years living with someone that you don't see yourself spending the rest of your life with.

There are advantages and disadvantages to every situation, every walk and role in life.  However, I think that one shouldn't estimate the value of hard work and commitment.  If you love someone, commit to them.  Put them first and they should put you first.  Keep communication open.  Expect imperfections and accept them. All easier said then done, but you've got to give yourself something to strive for.

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